Scott Adams

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as "nutty methods." Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time."

Technology: No Place for Wimps!

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

No matter how smart you are, you spend most of your day being an idiot.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

Dogbert: "Well you know what they say, when life gives you lemon, make lemonade."Dilbert: "But i'm allergic to citrus."Dogbert: "Well you know what they say, when life gives you lemons, swell up and die."

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.

If you ever have trouble sounding condescending, ask a UNIX user to show you how it's done.

You haven’t achieved equality until you’re a legitimate target for humor.

Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with low SAT scores. The only differences among us is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.

Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there.

Dance like it hurts,Love like you need money,Work when people are watching.

Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.

The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.

Men want sex. If men ruled the world, they could get sex anywhere, anytime. Restaurants would give you sex instead of breath mints on the way out. Gas stations would give sex with every fill-up. Banks would give sex to anyone who opened a checking account.

'Wrong' is one of those concepts that depends on witnesses.

Ask a deeply religious Christian if he'd rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don't seem so bad lately.

The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be 'that stabbin' Dilbert guy.'