My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look ... twins!
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.