There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.
An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled.