There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ``Get the hell off my property.''
I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.