The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good…Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances.
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.
There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice.