Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.
Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
[Television is] the triumph of machine over people.
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.