Emo Phillips

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

Weh I was a kid I prayed every night for a bike until I figured out that that's not the way that God works, so I stole a bike and then asked him for forgiveness.

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.