Conan O'Brien
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.
If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall,people will think you're drunk.
When all else fails, there's always delusion.
A federal judge has ruled that Microsoft should be split into two different companies. One company will have the Windows operating system and the other will count Bill Gates' money.
Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality. It doesn’t lead anywhere.