The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.
Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.
One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children--unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.
Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.